man i'm totally late to this because i had a work thing last night but

Pretend everyone is scratch-and-sniff and you just have to find out what scent they are.
who wants some guy sniffing you like a creep

Photocopy your butt, distribute it to at least 20 people.
VOLUNTEER FOR THE COVETED HONOR OF GETTING TO SEE HIS PERFECT BUTT he will probably put these in random mailboxes... and makishima's

Go into a restaurant and order everything on the menu then give it all away to other people.
get your free food here