cocktailparty | WHAT I LEARNED IN BOATING SCHOOL IS -

I-I just have something in my contact, that's why I'm blinking so much and why I can't look away....[That's exactly it. That's it.
fuq u his NIPPLES ARENT A KALEIDOSCOPE get out before they end up looking like pepperoni slices.
dont get a big head.....nips....]

Did I say ratings? I totally meant ra...p...rappings. Rap. I'm not jealous, my abs are twice as fit and my nips can practically sing under the adoring eyes of my fans! Also my ass practically has its own six pack. Besides, aren't you cold?

_{[ this guy doesn't make much sense, and it isn't really convincing Aikuro any. Though, he is a little bit concerned. Only a little teensy bit— because this guy is already a dick in his book.

but even guys like this are people. he knows how blinding he can be in all of his brightass fuchsia pectoral glory. he understands. he's blinded himself in a mirror before like a dumbass and it was both hilarious and sad.

Aikuro does cautiously step aside from the water fountain, and, in response, he instinctively runs his hand through his fringe. ]}

I'm still hot, actually.

_{[ um ok he didn't mean to say that as sensually as he did oh well what can you do when you're this flamboyant. ]}

[Kondo's thrilled beyond reason that this dripping wet dick has listened to his instructions, though you wouldn't know that looking at his face. Which is twisted into a look like he really wants to look away but he can't, like he's really got to take a shit but the port-a-potty is out of tp!! The fuck is with this guy.]

More like dreamy and cocky. You're probably getting used to the air and the germs here. It's only a matter of time until it latches onto you and sucks you dry and not in a heavenly way. [That said, he shrugs out of his jacket (notice the jagged, ripped sleeves for a Cool look in the summer), making sure to stretch and pose and take his time, then throws it at Aikuro.]

Here.

_{[ clothes got thrown at him. he's so fucking insulted.

stretch and pose.
is this guy challenging him?
he thinks this moron is challenging him.
then a challenge he will get.

Aikuro catches the jacket with one hand, and, in a fluid motion, whips it around to his other arm and smoothly slips his arm into the jacket. His hands run down the jacket to the hem before he tugs it tight, though being a pain in the ass and leaving it open.

least his nips are covered, though beginning to illuminate a faint glow.
Aikuro equally poses, sporting the jacket that seems to be a little big on him. His chest is puffed out in confidence, and he brushes some stray blue hair over his shoulder with the back of his hand. ]}

Hm. It doesn't seem to fit. I appreciate your concern.

_{[ so you know what that means...
and by that i mean the jacket is beginning to slowly.
carefully.
slide.... off of his shoulders. ]}

[ have yourself a giggly, bashful, blushing

35 year old man... accepting this offer of a drink. a lucky day indeed. ]

Ha ha ha! It's kids like you this place needs more of, pal! Especially with that dreamy hair of yours. [ MAYBE HE'S A LITTLE TIPSY, MAYBE. ]

[Kondo once again counts his chickens or cocks before they hatch, he's feeling pretty good about diffusing the situation and securing his spot as Top Gorilla Idiot Gross Dick Stripperish Dick and he even allows himself a triumphant smile
until this dick starts to take off the jacket. Slowly.]

It fits just fine! You're clearly taking it off really slowly! I CAN SEE YOU PULLING IT OFF, IT'S NOT GRAVITY'S NATURAL PULL, IT'S JUST REALLY SMOOTH! Was your sensei a snail!?

[Can snails get licences for that sort of thing? Where do they put the money? In mini thongs?? There's just so much he doesn't know. But whatever, what EVER he can do that too! So he puts his hand up his loose under shirt and slowly...so slowly...begins to pull it up over the expanse of his abs with this 'job well done' smirk on his face]

Let's try this one. I'm sure it'll fit your tiny non barrel chest.

_{[ the way he emphasizes things like non-barrel chest, and the rest of his physique in childish detail is amusing to say the least. it's like this guy was begging to be toyed with.

OH WELL THERE GOES THE JACKET. it's on the floor by the time Kondo is shedding another piece of clothing.

now i've heard of dance offs, but not strip offs. is that what was going on here???
IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT. ]}

Oh. I can't wear that.
The color really doesn't look flattering on me, believe it or not.

_{[ he's just going to see what this guy does— and if he leaves in hand cuffs, then he leaves in hand cuffs. ]}

Surely you can keep it. I wouldn't want you to catch a cold since it's evidently cold out according to your words.

_{[ giggling, bashful, blushing 35 yr old man.
god bless.
he aspires to be like you one day within the next few years.

Aikuro catches on this guy has had a few too many, but, what's one more going to do.
The compliment gets him to laugh.

ps he uses lo'real cause he's worth it. ]}

—What will it be for you to drink?

[THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT IT'S TURNING OUT TO BE THIS IS WHY THEIR SHOWS ARE PUSHED TO SUCH TIME SLOTS and they both know it. But they're too stubborn to admit it especially when the proverbial gloves are off. Kondo grits his teeth, whips the shirt off with a snap and cocks his hip in what he thinks is a flattering way. He sighs loudly at the thought of uh, fashion]

Not more fashion crap. Look at it this way, it's motive to rise in the ranks of side characters and wear normal clothes! Or clothes in general. [He's trying to appeal to his softer side alright] Anyway what's wrong with this? It's reddish. You can't go wrong with that.

[shaking his head, he scoops up his poor abused jacket] I'm already used to all the germs here and nothing sucked, so I'm fine! You're the one that has to adjust.

[ don't worry, bob, your jokes did not go unnoticed by this guy, who is also chuckling too. ] Ho ho ho. These puns are pure genius, pal! You'll definitely go places with a brain like that.

...

Oh, yeah. What's Holly-daise sauce? [ he laughed at these puns without knowing what they meant. ]

I enjoy my role as a side character wearing less clothes because in the end I played vital importance to the plot.

_{[ see he's optimistic about it. and ugh. ughHHHH. this guy is persistent!!! but he gets an idea, and with a wrinkle of his nose he takes the other shirt, again, suavely, and whips it on his body.
Kondo is right! wow gee it does fit his non-barrel chest thank you for being so considerate.

Aikuro starts at the bottom to button (!!!???) the shirt. ]}

_{[ dryly: ]}
You're too kind.

_{[ >:TTTT ]}

Edited 2014-09-01 04:33 (UTC)

[Okay Kondo definitely knows where he's coming from on that point but he's too much of a titty baby to admit it now, it's too late to pull out. So he just scoffs and crosses his arms over his GIANT BARREL CHEST]

What, did you sacrifice your underwear to get the main character to the next boss? Is your underwear a weapon?! [PANTY IS THAT YOU?????? looking at him in a new light tbh.

And when he starts to button it Kondo finally cracks a grin! He's sooo fuckin happy he doesn't even notice the tone. Just claps Aikuro on the back real hard and laughs] It's the least I can do, man! I'm just glad you understand now. Wouldn't want such an impressive guy to get sick! People would cry.

a. video;

[ there are few things gumshoe takes seriously in this world, and believe it or not, his JOB is one of them. amazing.

that's why, today, he looks thoughtfully sad. ] You know, I've heard of places with low crime rates... but never a place with no crimes at all. How am I gonna do my job in a place like this, pal?! [ oh, and now he's yelling. ] This might be the biggest crime of all - depriving me of my paycheck!

b. park;

[ have you ever seen an old lady sitting on a bench in the park feeding the birds?

... that's gumshoe. except he's not an old lady, though he very well could be. but more and more birds are gradually hoarding around him, until there is a GIANT SEA OF BIRDS in the area.

and predictably so, they start to swarm around him (and maybe anybody else around?). and predictably so, he starts to panic. ]

H-Hey! Hands off, pal! Claws off! Whatever you've got, get them off of my face!

...

I didn't think I'd die so young, a blooming 32... [ it seems he's given up, and just lets them scratch him while he sits there wallowing in self-pity. ]

Edited 2014-09-01 04:45 (UTC)

_{[ in the proudest and most serious tone: ]}

I fight without my underwear.

_{[ SUCH BADASSERY.
but now this guy is getting irritating because Aikuro knows that he thinks he's winning this BUT HE ISN'T.
So, when Aikuro is at the third button down is when Kondo makes a move to pat his back.

He sees this coming. He is braced for it.
It's now or never. ]}

_{[ rrrrriiiiiip.
such a startling sound echoes in their ears as he tugs the shirt at the buttons right when Kondo slaps him on the back and the shirt tears.

Just like that.
Just right at the arm pit where the sleeve connects, leaving a huge, gaping hole.

There's a moment of silence before he looks over at Kondo. ]}

Ah. Well, what do you know.
Maybe this one is too small— nobody walks around with holes in their shirt; it's really tacky.

_{[ suck on that. ]}

[That single horrifying moment passes like a fart across a family's one and only fan planted in a single room of 95 degrees. Kondo's jaw drops, letting loose this creaking gasp right past his lips, his eyes widen comically while he reaches out for Aikuro]

Nooooooooo, not that one! It fit perfectly across my left pec, like it was painted on by a naked lady!

[But Kondo is a man of the law. He's used to shock and outrage and injustice. He can bounce back and he does!!]

No wonder your pants want to fly off your butt from all your skid marks.

[This is the mature response he comes up with. The fact of the matter is they're now both out a shirt. However he's got a solution! He reaches over and ties the jagged ends together in a tight knot, then pats his handy work, i.e this property abusing dickwag.]

Now you're ready for a night on the town. Problem solved! You're handy at the impulsive tailory stuff, man.

[Hands on her hips now, there's another quirk of an eyebrow.]

You make a habit out of scaling other people's homes? And I'd just rather not see folks needlessly hurt.

[Oh. Well then.]

Thanks.

[At least someone's excited about his beef artistry.]

Uhh, I don't know. I'm [Heh.] actually pretty good at puns.

[Oh, a video. That's... pretty interesting. Okay, he will try to do the thing.]

Thanks. I try.

[He's moving the camera around, wondering if it's even recording right. He's probably getting a good shot of his mustache... or maybe a good shot up his nose. Who knows?]

Oh, hollandaise sauce is this sauce made out of egg yolk and melted butter. With like, lemon juice and a few other things. It was the best spin on Holly I could think of.

Edited 2014-09-01 05:34 (UTC)

My castle. Not someone's house.

[she gets no more explanation than that. the second bit gets him to shift around a bit, a bit uncomfortable with the fact she's aggressively caring. this is so new...]

...Well, then. Thank you. But I'll be fine.

Castle? As in "A man's home is his castle"?

[He couldn't mean a literal castle, could he? His clothes did seem a bit old-fashioned even compared to her vintage wardrobe. And this place did seem to have it's share of strange people.]

So, why are you here instead of on your own roof?

...No. An actual castle.

[and what kind of phrase was that? he was going to have to use that now, maybe. it sounded like the sort of thing belle would say, but it didn't sound as nice coming from Tarnation Woman.

he grumbles a little, and frowns at her.]

There's no reason to be on my roof. [duh.] Your roof isn't the only one I've been on, but you're the only one who's... caught me. [yeah, be embarrassed, you grumbly nerd.] Anyway, I told you earlier, I'm watching... It's dangerous to be out at night.

What about peaches? People do that right? And nothing like "you're a real peach". Bonus points for references that aren't atypical.

[What.

Edgeworth had just done the groceries (just like a real husbando! just like a real dad!) when he passes through the park for the scenic route, walking with a large paper bag in one arm. Ah, it was a beautiful day, sunny, nothing could go wro -

Too late. That right there looks like Gumshoe withering under a mass of pecking, scratching birds. Edgeworth stops in his tracks and stares at Gumshoe. Those birds are probably incapable of inflicting irreparable damage on the detective, at least.]

Moonlighting as a bird feeder, Detective? Or perhaps a birdhouse?

WHAT I LEARNED IN BOATING SCHOOL IS -

i understand so much, i understand this fucking grossness /reaches

g o o d ..

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video;

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dick gumshoe | ace attorney

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1/2 too....

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b for what the bunk, detective